Emotional Rollercoaster

Dear Friends,

I am sure you are all wondering about my dad. Thanks for all your loving e-mails messages and prayers. God gave me peace and strength. I did come back on Monday emotionally exhausted and immediately went to bed at 8pm. Did not have much energy in my voice yesterday (Tuesday) at work. I walked to work (40 minutes) which felt really good. I started my day with a plastic surgery appointment whch I almost forgot about. Good thing I had the appointment because I had to get out of bed. I had gone to bed at 8pm the night before and slept well and wanted to keep on sleeping. I never go to bed early and early for me is 10 or 10:30.

As I was waiting for the surgeon, I got a call from my sister that my Dad was again on a respirator. He was put on it again at 8pm Monday evening after being off most of Monday. This news was hard news since when I left Albany around 4 pm to return to Boston on Monday he was off the respirator (although he was having trouble adjusting to breathing on his own and had fluid around his lungs) and talking.

Well, I had a surprise when the surgeon said they were going to start filling me with the saline. I had no idea what to expect and the syringe was huge After that horrible biopsy, I am a bit nervous of anything being poked in my breast. My surgeon said I was the one in charge. It went very well with only one moment of slightly feeling something. Nothing feels different yet looks a bit different. Dr. Orgill hopes to inject saline at least 5 more times during my chemo. I went on to work trying to deal with all of my emotion of my Dad and the appointment. The nurse told me to take as much time as I needed in the exam room to process all that was going on. I went on to work from there and put in my first full day of work since the operation. Work was intense and I did not have much emotional energy. My voice was week. I came home ready to go to bed because I was so exhausted but God had different plans. By 8 pm I felt much calmer (not so overwhelmed. Wasn’t just the thought of my Dad. Was just that I was so exhausted that everything felt magnified.). I have had peace since 8pm and know that many of you are out there praying for me and I am sure God brought me and my family to your mind to specifically pray for me last evening. I also spent some good time in prayer and reading in the book of Job. I am supposed to be resting up to start my chemo and instead it is a very emotional, exhausting time.

Well, everything went well over the weekend. Thank God for the angels that provided transportation for me and at such short notice (thanks to those who took me and those that also offered but I ended up already having the need met). This really was a blessing to me and my family and made things much easier. We were juggling many schedules and especially weekend ball games for my nephews and nieces. So good to see my Dad but so hard to see him struggling to breath. He really wanted to get the respirator out because it was so uncomfortable They have to tie him down when he is alone or else he tries to take out the tubes. Sunday was a wonderful reunion. We were all at home except my sister in law who is 9 months pregnant and is out in San Diego. My brother and 2 year old nephew flew in late Saturday night. So good to see them. My whole family met at church and took up a whole pew. My mom wanted us all there together for the same service. My brother and my mom went right over to the hospital after church so my brother could see my dad. Then we all met at mom and dad’s for a big dinner; It was so good to see my nephew David and my brother who we hadn’t see for two years.. I know that we are all gong to have a hard time letting him them go back to San Diego. Poor Steve and David. They came for a vacation and to see us and especially Dad. Steve hasn’t seen Dad in such a condition like the rest of us did a year ago. It is quite difficult. Unfortunately, David and Steve have pretty much only seen the hospital since they arrived. On Monday we all hung out at the hospital including gall of the kids. We are praying that Dad will get to see David before he leaves on ‘Thursday but with Dad back on the respirator, things do not look good.

WE have all had some special moments with Dad. He has been smiling and laughing. Monday he was able to talk a bit when the tube was out. What a relief from the frustration of not being able to communicate when the tube was in.

Got some good laughs when Steve was showing Sharon the right way to itch Dad’s nose that was constantly itching (you take the whole nose in your hand).

Thanks for being there with me. The next blog titled, God's Cake, really describes what mysituation is.

Blessings,

Ruth