Happy New Year

Dear Friends, Happy New Year! Feliz Año Nuevo! Frohes Neu Jahr! Well, it is January 1st and almost a year on this journey. A year that I would not like to repeat and yet it was so rich and full of blessings that I would not want to have passed it by. I look forward to the new year and what God has for me this year. God uses those tough times in our life to grow us more like Him. A year of many changes and some very difficult life challenges. God promised that he would be glorified and that He has. He is faithful to His promises. I thank Him: -For His faithfulness ("I will never leave thee nor forsake thee") -For His love and blessings (we really learn to see that in the valleys of our lives which help us to persevere and keep the hope. I was reminded today that our hearts are either softened during the storms in our lives and we get to know our Lord more or our hearts are hardened and we turn away. I pray that my heart continues to be softened.) -For all the things I am learning about myself and others through this journey. Lessons that are life changing. I am a new person and I am still trying to understand how I fit in to God's plan for my new life. -That I am cancer free -That He was faithful in being my manager of my health as He told me He would and is continuing to be-For a skilled surgeon and plastic surgeon -For those in the medical profession at my health center and hospital administering my treatments -For those who gave me my shots -For Family -For Friends -For being carried through chemo and not looking or feeling much like a chemo patient -For minimul side effects (not one day or part of a day in bed, only three days of a stomach that didn't feel great in fact I most always had a huge appetite, no GI problems, no mouth sores, no pain) -A great wig -My hair growing back quickly (eye brows and lashes were not gone for long) -Support from family and friends emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc. -A supportive work environment -A fruitful Bible Study group at my house -Learning to relax and not feel guilty -For e-mails and phone calls from around the world with words of love and encouragement -Those new people I have met on this journey and been able to talk to and minister too as a result of this journey. I had a real problem with sickness and hospitals but thanks to working in the medical environment, going through Leukemia with a very special little friend of mine a few years back, my Dad's health issues, and finally my own struggle with Breast Cancer I am able to talk about things I never ever imagined I would be able to talk about and share about my experiences. THESE ARE JUST A HANDFUL OF THE THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR. The last months have not been easy. It has been an emotional rollercoaster. It takes so much to hold in the emotions. Sometimes I am more quiet because it takes all my strength to stay strong and keep going. I feel emotionally tired and drained. Sometimes the tears just come unexpectedly or I say things that are not the way I mean to say them. I am thinking one thing and something totally different comes out. I have moments when I am real sensitive. I feel overwhelmed with what is important. Have trouble when things are asked of me or I feel are being asked of me and I have nothing more to give so I starting pushing the person or thing away to protect me. No room left in me for another thing. But I don’t always know what is happening and don’t know I am overloaded (I look fine and think I am fine) until I react. I can’t do everything at once and need to have patience to go step by step. Having to try to focus on one thing at a time and taking time out to not think about what needs to be done but to do something fun and relaxing. With work being crazy (feel like I am constantly getting more into a hole instead of moving forward except for this past week). I many times am ready for a change of pace when I come home and don’t want the same feeling of lack of moving forward with things that have to get down outside of work. However, I am staring to be able to focus on some new things such as organizing the pictures I have down loaded from my digital camera. I got the camera just as I got diagnosed and never had a chance to do more then learn how to down load them which I was doing so I could share them on the blog.

Well, I started this in the morning as well as some other entries that I will share with you all throughout the week and put them on the blog including some pictures. www.ruths-journey.blogspot.com.

Wishing you all a very Happy New Year.

Ruth