Update on my 2 month post chemo doctors appointment

Dear Friends,

Thanks for your prayers, support, encouragment and e-mails. I am feeling stronger this week emotionally. Many circumstances are different but I do not wish my circumstances to dictate my emotions. They aren't actually much different, it is just that God is giving me more strength to handle them and yes the situations have eased up a bit. Feel a bit clearer in my mind (chemo brain) and being able to focus a bit more and handle more. I am getting things accomplished at work and outside of work and that makes me definitly feel like I am able to move forward step by step again and to start catching up on the months of lost time and have more emotional energy. Making more space and not so much having to concentrate on my health. I am being able to slowly introduce some of the foods I was staying away from. So many things I have gotten behind on around the house. I guess I have not really lost the time. I learned so much about my self this past year, grew in many ways, learned many new things, learned to relax (at least once in a while). Still feeling overwhelmed and having trouble focusing. I have to have patience with myself that I can not do as much as I used to. I have to lower my expectations. I am still very thankful that I have not spent a day in bed and do not come home from work and take a nap but am able to have a productive evening.

I met with my oncologist on Wednesday afternoon. All went very well. My blood tests all look great. My next check-up is in three months. I was asked if I have shortness of breath or pain to which I said no. My body feels quite strong. I am walking my two miles to work and two miles back again. Everyone was happy to see me and said I looked great. They were all wanting to see me without my wig. I walked around a bit with my wig in my hand because they were all wanting to see and were commenting on how great I looked without the wig and said that I could do either well. It is interesting how some can wear hats but not wigs. Some baseball caps look best. Some wigs look best. Some scarfs look best. I am a wig person. I will not leave the house without it. Now, I am more comfortable in the house with nothing but my own hair now that it is growing and does keep my head a bit warm. The last couple of days I have been putting on a baseball cap in the house. I think I will have to wait at least a month before going outside without the wig.

I brought some baked goods which were quickly eaten up by everyone around. Was nice to be able to share and say thank you for all their care for me. I ran into a woman, who I met for the first time when I was checking in for one of my chemo sessions. She commented on how much she liked my wig. Every time after that I ran into her even when my day or her day was different then our usual day. I was very surprised to see her yesterday. She was not there on her regular day and was very surprised to see me. She asked right away about my hair. By the way, she is a baseball cap person. She looks great in them. Got to share my experience with her and with the woman in the room next to her and to share the miracle that God has done in my life. A real sense of community. Can't believe that I am done and have anything to say to someone going through chemo. A year ago, I would have had no idea that I would be on this journey. But God has a purpose in everything. We suffer and in turn we are prepared to help those who are on the same path that we never would have been able to come along side to encourage.

I hope this makes sense. For some reason I can't get my thoughts to flow and they are hard to express.

I am thankul that God has given me peace this evening and is helping me to persevere.

I have many things that are important to do but I need to ask God for what His priorities are because I can't do everything and I should't put too much stress on me.

Blessings and wishing you all a blessed holiday season.

Ruth

Chemo Brain Explained and Prayer Requests

Dear Friends,

The last weeks have been quite rough although since last Thursday things have been a bit better. Many times I forget what I have just been through and am still going through. The chemo brain is tough and the emotions I am experiencing are tough. Working 30 hours at work and no longer remotely is also difficult because I get even more easily overwhelmed and work has been lots of crisis, stress, and volume even for a well person. It is emotionally exhausting and It takes a lot to hold it together on the inside. But God is carrying me through. I got an e-mail from someone I only know by name who explained very well what chemo brain is. It is so true. I share it with you to understand what I am feeling:

"She also has learned of "chemo brain" online, and this has explained to her much of what she has been experiencing. She had told her doctor that when she is teaching Reading lessons to one, two or three kids at a time, everything is fine. But when she is out in the "bigger world" of the school, with many conversations coming at her, etc., it is much more confusing and harder to focus. Also hard to remember dates and meeting times, etc.
I would caution you to listen to your body and take it easy."

Please pray for those around me having to deal with my chemo brain and me to also have patience with myself.

This explaination is all true. Being with lots of people is tough. In fact sometimes I get hypersensitivity to lights and voices. I don't always know waht it is that is causing me to react and sometimes too late. I always remembered dates and times without a calendar. I find I have to be much more careful at work with the details and it takes more to focus. Guess one reason I love being out walking on the golf course (I do hit a few balls now and then and practice putting a little) at Franklin Park is that there is nature, sunsets, beautiful clouds, and hardly any people. I can forget everything and focus on God's country. Allows my mind to get cleared up. I am very thankful for the weather staying warmer this year so can still be out on the golf course a bit.

Tomorrow, at 3pm (Wed. December 13th) I have my two month follow-up appointment with my oncologists. Got my blood work done last week and will be getting the results tomorrow. My oncologist told me that I was cancer free when I finished in October (I feel that I was cured even before the treatments started). People look at me and say I look great and they would never know that I had just been through chemo. I look great but there are struggles on the inside more emotionally then physically. That is what others can not see and then put expectations on me (I do it to me too) that frustrate me. I am not even always aware of when I am doing too much. I did enjoy baking some things to bring to my appointment to share with all those who have taken such good care of me.

I have put up some new pictues on the blog. www.ruths-journey.blogspot.com

Thanks for all your support and prayers,

Ruth

My Hair is Really Growing

In the midst of some really tough weeks at least I have the excitment of watching my hair grow. Started just before I finished Chemo (end of September). God does bring blessings in the midst of the storm. If I didn't wear the wig I could be quite in style these days but it is a bit too manly for me. In fact my landlord, Jim, does not recognize me when I have the wig off (before my hair started growing you would not catch me without the wig even rearly when I was alone). He asks who that man is. I have tasted what it is like to be a guy and your head gets cold easier. But I use less shampoo, can get read quicker in the morning since it doesn't take so long to wash-rarely needs it anyway and no blow drying (takes a second with a towel). I will put a few pictues here although my hair is much longer already (over my ears). It is still thick but very fine and soft. I will take a new one this week and put that up soon.

Finally A Chance to Escape -Nantucket

My friend Alexandra visited from Sweden and her parents gave us a trip to Nantucket. Alexandra was surprised that I said yes to the invitation. She didn't expect I would be up to it. We were the only ones in the Inn except for the house keeper and we had a room with a working fire place. Nice to be on a fairly deserted (off season) Island for a few days eventhough it was a bit chilly. In one of the pictures notice the pink balloon which isthe color representing Breast Cancer.

Me ringing the Bell

Me with my mom as I am ringing the bell and saying a poem in completion of my 8 chemo treatments.

The Poem goes like this:

Ring This Bell Three Times Well
It's told to clearly say
The Treatments Done
This course is done
And I am on my way

8th Chemo Update (Final Chemo)

Check out the blog with many new updates and pics of me at the zoo, me with no hair, and many other entries. www.ruths-journey.blogspot.com

Dear Friends,

I know I have been silent for a while. PRAISE GOD I FINISHED CHEMO ON OCTOBER 5TH. I rang the bell at the end of chemo and ended up talking to several at the clinic who were asking me questions. Sure didn’t expect to be one who would be experienced in chemo therapy to encourage others. Of course every experience is different and mine was much easier then many. They refer to me as the star patient. The many prayers carried me. I believe the Lord had already healed me of the cancer before the chemo and therefore my body was strong and handled the chemo well with minimal side effects (no stomach or GI problems and didn’t spend even a day in bed).

Please continue to keep the prayers coming. Don’t stop. In many ways the last weeks have been even more difficult mentally and emotionally and I am still not able to eat what ever I want. Thanks so much for your support and prayers. Many of you have said that I have been very much on your mind and in your prayers the last weeks. I have really needed it. They have been some of the toughest weeks of the whole journey.

October 5th was my last Chemo Treatment (8 treatments in total). Thank you Lord for helping me to get through 8 chemo treatments. You would think there is great celebration. Well, I have to tell you it is actually been a real let down. Yes, after Chemo on Thursday I walked 9 holes of golf on Saturday with out dragging at all, but the drugs are still in me and I seem to be more tired. Probably, partly to do with the day after chemo having to start some very stressful weeks of work to get two (not one) RO1 government grants out for November 1st. Hard enough to do one, never mind two and in my condition. I worked 36 hours at the lab this week and have worked very little remotely these last weeks which is more tiring on me. I even have walked several days to and from work which is 2 miles each way.

I have been having a bit of chemo brain which means it is tough to focus, I am overwhelmed easily, and I can’t think straight, and sometimes can’t think or talk fast enough. Also, I was afraid to depend on my brain. In fact, one day it was quite bad. As I was getting out of my car at my work to have my care valet parked, I told myself to not lock my keys in the car. Well, I did, and because I felt like I was walking in a fog I walked away quickly and they didn’t know where to find me. I came out 5 hours later and was surprised to see my car where I had left it. I call it a miracle tank of gas. I thankfully got gas last minute before I got to work and when I came out five hours later my tank was still on full and also lasted me over a week afterwards. I was afraid to drive to work again because I had drawn so much attention to me. Instead, I became known as the woman who locked her keys in the car and have developed many new friends with the valet parking guys. Things happen for a reason. I am now very comfortable parking there.

Well, I am learning that Low tides come before Victories and Low tides come after Victories. I know this but it is rough. We want life to be lots of High Tides but instead it is Low Tide, High Tide, Low Tide, High Tide, Low Tide, High Tide, Low Tide and so on. Lord help me to accept those Low Tides. God has just done a great Victory in my life. I am considered cancer free. It has been very intense time but it did not feel intense since I really felt God carrying me through like the feet of the dear.
I just finished 8 Physical Therapy sessions where we have been working a bit on my posture but most has been massage therapy. Now that chemo and Physical Therapy are done I can focus on the reconstruction of my breast. The plastic surgeon said I have a long way to go. Will go every week or every other week for more saline. This week they injected 60 cc’s. On December 13th I will have my follow-up appointment with my oncologist.

2 Corinthians 1:9-11

“Indeed, I our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us form such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us I answer to the prayers of many.”

Thanks so much for your continuous prayers and support.

Ruth