Phase Two-the Big Day Chemo Treatment #1

Dear Friends,

Just quick update. Today is my first chemo treatment. At 9:30 I need to be there and at 10 the actually treatment starts. Will be done by 1 or 2. My oncologist and I decided to move ahead even with myh dad's condition. Please pray for none or minimal side effects. I can take pain and stuffiness when I am sick but feeling not good int eh stomach is the worst. God has provided Fausta to be with me from 9:30 to 12 and then my Aunt Virginia will be with me for the rest of the treatment and to drive me home and be with me inteh afternoon. Then Rosanna will be with me the rest of the weekend. I thank each of my angels and all of you whose thoughts and prayers are with me. Plans got changed last minute but God so easily provided my Aunt unexpectedly. My each person be blessed as they walk beside me this day and each of you too.

I spent my evening before Chemo relaxing away from everything. Was out on the golf course at Franklin Park in the middle of nature. Only two of us and the rolling hills, beautiful breezy weather, the singing birds. We rented a golf cart for the first time so I would not get tired out. It is so relaxing to be in nature away from the hustle and bustle or responsibilities and phones and e-mail. Went out for dinner afterwards and the place was louder then the last time we had been there. What a contrast to the peaceful quiet nature we had juset left but maybe it was loueder to use due to the contrast. Anyway, it was a very nice evening and a great way to spend the evening before my chemo.

Dad's condition is not stable. Things are very tough but he was responsive yesterday. The younger nephews including David who was visiting from California had a chance to see my dad yesterday eventhough he was in ICU. They were begging to see their Grandpa. Pleae pray for wisdom and for my dad to respond with his wishes (even in his condiiton) as we have many very tough decisions to make regarding his health and coming days.

Have a nice 4th of July weekend. I'll update you soon as to how things are going;

Ruth

www.ruths-journey.blogspot.com

God's Cake

This was sent and shared with me by my friend Ruth in Germany.

Sometimes we wonder, "What did I do to deserve this?" or "Why did God have to do this to me?" Here is a wonderful explanation! A daughter is telling her Mother how everything is going wrong, she's failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away. Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack, and the daughter says, "Absolutely Mom, I love your cake" "Here, have some cooking oil," her Mother offers. "Yuck" says her sister. "How about a c ouple raw eggs?" "Gross, Mom!" "Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?" "Mom, those are yucky!" To which the mother replies: "Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way , they make a wonderfully delicious cake! God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful! God is crazy about you. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning. Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart. Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance.

Emotional Rollercoaster

Dear Friends,

I am sure you are all wondering about my dad. Thanks for all your loving e-mails messages and prayers. God gave me peace and strength. I did come back on Monday emotionally exhausted and immediately went to bed at 8pm. Did not have much energy in my voice yesterday (Tuesday) at work. I walked to work (40 minutes) which felt really good. I started my day with a plastic surgery appointment whch I almost forgot about. Good thing I had the appointment because I had to get out of bed. I had gone to bed at 8pm the night before and slept well and wanted to keep on sleeping. I never go to bed early and early for me is 10 or 10:30.

As I was waiting for the surgeon, I got a call from my sister that my Dad was again on a respirator. He was put on it again at 8pm Monday evening after being off most of Monday. This news was hard news since when I left Albany around 4 pm to return to Boston on Monday he was off the respirator (although he was having trouble adjusting to breathing on his own and had fluid around his lungs) and talking.

Well, I had a surprise when the surgeon said they were going to start filling me with the saline. I had no idea what to expect and the syringe was huge After that horrible biopsy, I am a bit nervous of anything being poked in my breast. My surgeon said I was the one in charge. It went very well with only one moment of slightly feeling something. Nothing feels different yet looks a bit different. Dr. Orgill hopes to inject saline at least 5 more times during my chemo. I went on to work trying to deal with all of my emotion of my Dad and the appointment. The nurse told me to take as much time as I needed in the exam room to process all that was going on. I went on to work from there and put in my first full day of work since the operation. Work was intense and I did not have much emotional energy. My voice was week. I came home ready to go to bed because I was so exhausted but God had different plans. By 8 pm I felt much calmer (not so overwhelmed. Wasn’t just the thought of my Dad. Was just that I was so exhausted that everything felt magnified.). I have had peace since 8pm and know that many of you are out there praying for me and I am sure God brought me and my family to your mind to specifically pray for me last evening. I also spent some good time in prayer and reading in the book of Job. I am supposed to be resting up to start my chemo and instead it is a very emotional, exhausting time.

Well, everything went well over the weekend. Thank God for the angels that provided transportation for me and at such short notice (thanks to those who took me and those that also offered but I ended up already having the need met). This really was a blessing to me and my family and made things much easier. We were juggling many schedules and especially weekend ball games for my nephews and nieces. So good to see my Dad but so hard to see him struggling to breath. He really wanted to get the respirator out because it was so uncomfortable They have to tie him down when he is alone or else he tries to take out the tubes. Sunday was a wonderful reunion. We were all at home except my sister in law who is 9 months pregnant and is out in San Diego. My brother and 2 year old nephew flew in late Saturday night. So good to see them. My whole family met at church and took up a whole pew. My mom wanted us all there together for the same service. My brother and my mom went right over to the hospital after church so my brother could see my dad. Then we all met at mom and dad’s for a big dinner; It was so good to see my nephew David and my brother who we hadn’t see for two years.. I know that we are all gong to have a hard time letting him them go back to San Diego. Poor Steve and David. They came for a vacation and to see us and especially Dad. Steve hasn’t seen Dad in such a condition like the rest of us did a year ago. It is quite difficult. Unfortunately, David and Steve have pretty much only seen the hospital since they arrived. On Monday we all hung out at the hospital including gall of the kids. We are praying that Dad will get to see David before he leaves on ‘Thursday but with Dad back on the respirator, things do not look good.

WE have all had some special moments with Dad. He has been smiling and laughing. Monday he was able to talk a bit when the tube was out. What a relief from the frustration of not being able to communicate when the tube was in.

Got some good laughs when Steve was showing Sharon the right way to itch Dad’s nose that was constantly itching (you take the whole nose in your hand).

Thanks for being there with me. The next blog titled, God's Cake, really describes what mysituation is.

Blessings,

Ruth

Dear Friends,

Thanks for all your support, prayer, and e-mails. My Dad went on a respirator yesterday because he stopped breathing Thursday night on his own. Yesterday, was a tough day of phone calls back and forth, my brother (he and my nephew had plans to be here now anyway)and brother in law (away on business) trying to change plane tickets to get to Albany as quick as possible and me also trying to figure out how to get to Albany due to my health issues and not being able to drive myself there. Things looked a little better later in the day when they said that it is ammonia and a urinary track infection. We were thinking the leukemia attacking stronger or his systems shutting down due to the other disease. Those could be true too but at this point they are treating for the pneumonia and urinary track infrection. He is not out of the woods and is a very very sick man especially since his body has a harder time fighting infection due to the other diseases he has.

My sister Sharon offered to come and pick me up which would be a 7 hour trip total. I prayed that God would provide another solution. I called several friends and God provided a ride to Springfield for me this morning which means my sister will only have to drive 4 1/2 hours. I have someone to meet me in Springfield on Monday. Looking for a back up plan for Sunday for someone to meet me in Springfield if my Dad is doing better since I do have a doctor's apppointment on Monday am.

So I am leaving this morning (Saturday) to go to Albany. We will all be there including my brother who is leaving for Iraq in a few weeks and expecting a baby just brefore leaving. They live in San Diego. We will have a family meeting to discuss how to care for my dad. He will be in the ICU, then regular hospital room, then rehab, and then home but my mom will need to have 24 hour assistance with him. This is the current plan if all goes as planned. Please pray for us as we have many decisions to make.

I had many tears at work yesterday as I thought about the special moment I had with my Dad last Friday when he came to visit. He begged my mom to bring him to see me. My Dad doesn't usually express those types of desires. I got five minutes alone with him that were very special and I saw the love he has for me expressed like never before. He is not a man who is able to express those deep feelings. He then kissed me on the hair. Somehow I felt this was a goodbye. In my memory I don't remember my Dad ever kissing me. I thank God for that special moment.

I am thankful that I will be able to go and be with my family at this time although I will only be able to go into the hospital for a few minutes and with a mask. I will provide support in other ways. I am still recuperating myself and getting ready for my chemo on Firday. Can you believe that my operation was a month ago already?

Thanks again for being on this journey with me.

Blessings,

Ruth

When It Rains It Pours Yet.........

When it Rains It Pours Yet there are blessings in the rain drops

Seems like everyday I hear of someone else with a family member very ill. But I know that God is in control even when it seems like everything around us is out of control.


Dear Friends,

I will write more later but this is an urgent prayer request. My Dad is in the hospital with a very high fever and my mom could not get him out of bed this morning. I don't know any more then that since I even got that information third hand. Sounds like it could be the leukemia attacking stronger. He does have CML which is chronic Leukemia. Update since I wrote this is that it could be somthing less serious but he is on oxygen and very weak.

More on me soon. My chemo starts on the 30th of June for 4 months. I will give you an update on my visit to the oncologist yesterday and some other things soon. I have added some things to the blog and there is more to come.

Thanks for your support,

Ruth

www.ruths-journey.blogspot.com

"Step by Step"

"Step by Step"

were the words of my doctor (and many others) when she told me I had cancer. And yes that has been my way of moving forward ever since. God has given me peace and I am not jumping ahead getting overwhelmed with the future tasks or thinking the worst and am moving forward on what is to be done today. That is a gift from God since that has not been my practice in the past in difficult situations. Thank you Lord for the gift of peace!

I am being reminded of many people and many things related to this theme. Like Abraham, Paul, David, Joseph, and many others, whom were on their own journey, persuing their dreams and goals and then LIFE HAPPENED. Confusions, detours, unbelieving, and lots of things that didn't make sense came along. And they had to proceed in faith step by step. We would assume they might have wondered how they would ever get to their puporse or goal that they believed God had given them. But they chose to trust God. They chose to beilieve that He would still lead them and He was in control of ALL that happens in their lives. So, by their example and how they walked step by step, I am also to forge forward and walk in faith.

A friend recently said to me that there is not victory without a battle. This was another piece of encouragement that boosted my faith giving me patience, strength and peace. Because I too believed I have received a promise from God and I was on my jouney to conquer it, but like the others "Life Happened". I did not ask why because God had prepared me for this dark cloud (storm). God brought me through a huge storm a few years ago where I learned alot. I felt like all that was robbed from my life was returned by God in better condition then before. I had lost my sense of meaning and direction but He showed me how to start to learn to trust Him to live for what I know today. Just as things were starting to smooth out, I ended up in February with shingles. Thankfully, this prompted me to make an appointment for a physical exam which I amazingly got within a month. I started to learn how to trust God in illness. I started to fast and pray with a new understanding of it. The shingles did not end up being the nightmare that you hear about. My experience was with very little pain, the rash did not spread much at all, and the rash sprouted dry instead of oozing and crusting.

So just before my physical exam and the series of tests that were to follow, I read a passage in the Bible and somehow knew that it was a reality that I could have cancer and this was another test to teach me more about warfare. This is the word that was given to me to prepare me for the medical tests and news that I had Breast Cancer: Judges 3:1-2 "...These are the nations the Lord left to test all those Israelites who had not experienced any of the wars in Canaan (he did this only to teach warfare to the descendants of the Isralites who had not had previous battle experience);... Therefore, I knew that this was just another test to teach me how to fight the battles which come along as part my life.

So like those who came before me, I will follow step by step and He will lead me. I too chose to trust Him. And like a countemporary saint sang out loud his confession of trust to the Lord, I also use his words to express my own: 'Oh Lord, You are my God ...and Step by step you lead me and I will follow you all my days...".

Beyond the Boundaries of Bed

I has not been spending much time in bed even at night. I even prefer sleeping in the big comfortable chair in the living room or on the couch at night. I have just gone back to my regular bed a few days ago.

You all have probably wondered if I ended up going to the conference? Well, Friday June 2nd was an exciting day. After my first shower (yeah) I and my sister headed off to Quincy where I surprised everyone by showing up at the ACMI conference. I went right away to my first session (2pm) which was already in progress and was able to participate and present during the last half hour. It was great to receive lots of hugs (fine as long as it is on the correct side). It is hard to not be able to give my usual firm German handshake. Then I went to the second workshop which was at 3pm on Immigration matters. I presented with an Immigration Lawyer from Minnesota who I had never met before. I stood up and started presenting with no outline and things just flowed. I didn't get nervous or wonder what people were thinking. God was my mouth piece and Bob and I worked so well together. It was in the strength of the Lord and not in my own. "In my weakness He is made strong" I felt great and energized by being at the conference. It is always like a family reunion with friends from all over the country getting together. I stayed for an awsome evening program. I kept thinking I should be home in bed but I was wide awake and felt I could listen to the speaker for ever. My sister and I have been sharing the exciting testimonies we heard with all who stop by the house or call. We won't tell you what time we arrived home that evening!!! It was late enough that Rossana borrowed a car and drove over to see if something was wrong.

I ventured out to church on Sunday (June 4th) with my sister driving me to Newton Pres and then I drove my sisters van to church in the evening which is close to the house (this was another opportunity too share publicly with the church how things are with my health and again I felt God was my mouth piece in Spanish and in English as my voice was different and flowed freely with no nervousness. However, my sister is gone now and all I have is my own car which is a standard and would be a challenge for me to drive yet. So I feel a bit chained to the house but that is probably a good thing that I am not freely bouncing around town yet. I do have needs especially for rides to and from work. Please let me know if you are able to help out in anyway with this need (617-277-2528 or 617-291-8460).

Then on Wednesday I was asked to present for a group of about 30 people at Emmanual Gospel Center's staff meeting. I got a quick overview of the proposed new immigration law since that was my role to present. Because of the operation I basically just showed up with the article and built the presentation based on those who spoke before me and bridged what they said with what I was asked to share and wanted to share. Things again flowed. I am learning to rely more on the Lord and not spend tons of time trying to be "perfect" and cover everything.

COLORS OF THE RAINBOW

I was told by my doctor that my skin would change to all the different colors of the rainbow. Mine didn't change too much though. One of my Latino friends said that his skin turns red, yellow, orange, black, blue, purple, etc., so I guess I need more of the Latino blood in me to turn all colors of the rainbow. Guess mine didn't turn too much (lots of prayer from around the world and even from my latino friends).

Bruising at this time is pretty much non existent. (June 16th)

Words of an electronic card sent by my Aunt Esther are below:


Rainbows appear after mighty storms,when things look their very worst. Just when the skies are darkest gray,look for the rainbow first.

The rainbow is a sign of God's promise,that He will guide us through all our troubles,no matter what their form.

When you feel battered by life's storms,and you are filled with doubt and dismay;just remember God's rainbow is coming,it's only a prayer away.

-Author Unknown

Update after a long silence

e-mail sent on June 11th

Dear Friends,

Sorry for the silence and the lack of updates on the blog
(http://ruths-journey.blogspot.com/). Now you will receive quite a few over
the next days. I have been doing well. Maybe doing more then I
should in some ways but some of it is what is making me feel better.
It is a struggle to want life to be back to normal, but I need
patience in waiting for that. In my attempt to get normal, I
ventured out to work for 4 hours on Thursday, and that led to
another extravaganza of leaving the house the next morning at 7:30am
(because I had a kind offer of transport to work) in order to be there in
time for a 9am lab photo shoot. I did get an hour of work in before the
lab photo. The comments from people at work as well as friends were
very uplifting. It is nice to know that they are happy to see me
around again. One colleague said, "I am sorry Ruth, but you do not
look at all like you just had an operation. No one would know that
you just had major surgery." Yes, I have had good coloring since
even in the recovery room and maybe even look healthier than before
the operation. Guess my body was really fighting that cancer. BUT
maybe I should just take off my shirt and show my wounds to prove it
(just kidding). No, it is not easy. I may look very good on the
outside and be expressive and myself, BUT there is still a lot of
healing that needs to take place on the inside. My doctor said he
had to do a great job because he knew his work was going to be
checked. And I must say, they all say the incisions look great.
I have been having a lot of trouble sleeping but it has been a bit
better the last couple of nights since every day I am more mobile
and can sleep in different positions now.
My frustration is that there is no book to tell me what to expect
and to know what is normal or not normal. So everything is new and
leaves a lot of room for imagination; therefore, I am so thankful
for my friend Jon and other medical doctor friends who have really been
able to provide the most support in this area. I am comfortable
with my looks but not sure what is going on when I am having slight
elevations in my temperature or "fluid build up" (if that is what it
is and it is uncomfortable), pain (none before and some now but more
uncomfortable than pain, great though to have quite a bit of arm
movement and to be able to bend over with out feeling the implant).
Previously I had more discomfort than I did pain. I have been off
pain meds for quite a while and was using them to prevent the pain
but not because of the pain. All in all, everyone says I am doing
well everything considered. Please pray for my patience with the
recovery and that I would not feel overwhelmed with trying to figure
out how to juggle everything (eating right, drinking, transport,
exercise, sleeping, working (Verami has gotten busy), rest, visits,
calls, etc.).

Thanks for being alongside of me on this journey, and I do
appreciate your visits, calls, food, flowers, and other gifts of love and
kindness and most importantly prayers. I enjoy having the time to
visit and see friends I have not seen for a long time. I even had a
visit from Germany yesterday unexpectedly.

Blessings,
Ruth

NEXT DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT (updated June 16th)

June at 2pm 21st I meet with the Oncologist to discuss if I am ready for chemo. Chemo is tentatively scheduled to start on June 30th at 9:30 and will be most likely every two weeks on Friday mornings (this will hopefully allow a better work schedule). Just wanted to clarify that the 2mm cancerous tumor was removed incidentaly when they did the reduction and therefore all three tumors are out of my body. In regard to the 2mm cancerous tumor found in the tissue removed in the other breast, we are going to wait and not make any quick descisions. The plastic surgeon was quite shocked by the news as well as the surgical oncologist.

Everyone is commenting on good coloring in my face. Must be the cancer is gone and my body is no longer fighting it. I think it has been putting a strain on my body for a few years.

It is exciting to begin to do so much more with my arm without thinking.
June 26 at 10:30 Genetic Testing (Praise that there was a cancellation so I do not have to wait until September. Is not more important due to that 2mm finding.

June 27th 9:45 meet with Plastic Surgeon

MEDICAL UPDATE

Drain was removed on Thursday the 1st
Exiting first shower on the 2nd (hurray)
Every day I feel I can do more and more for myself. These are exciting mile stones.
First time I could wash my hair all by myself (yippee)
Enjoyed some nice walks to visit my lab and the chairman's office
Enjoyed walking to the pond and to the small store near us
Can stretch my arm up
Can wear normal clothes and I don't feel or look different

ONE WEEK OUT OF THE WOODS

Hi friends,


Thanks for your prayers and support. The incisions are looking great. The remaining drain was supposed to come out on Tuesday (May 30), but I was still producing more than 30cc of fluid in a 24-hour period. Things had slowed down, though, and praise God, they removed the drain Thursday (June 1)!

Wednesday (May 31) I received a call from Dr. Christian (surgical oncologist) who reconfirmed that there were no cancer cells found in the lymph nodes, and that the two tumors in the right breast were of different origins (cell type) but both had margins that are fine. For those of my many medical friends out there, and the rest of you that may have an interest to learn, one is invasive ductile and the other lobular ductile. Incidentally, the doctors found a 2mm cancerous tumor in the left side in the tissue that was removed when they did the reduction lift on that side. Praise God that they did do a reduction lift on the left side. Dr. Christian said that most people harbor small tumors in their body (which are discovered in the autopsy after one dies) that never become a problem.

The next step will be a talk with the oncologist to discuss treatment (chemo, hormonal, radiation). The incidental findings of this 2mm tumor might impact the original treatment plan. Radiation is a concern in my case since implants have been inserted.

I appreciate the phone calls, e-mails, visits, flowers, meals and love and prayers of you all. After my visit on Tuesday to the plastic surgeon, I visited the lab connected with my job, which provided a good walk, and it was nice to see everybody again. Everyone commented that I was looking great and they couldn't believe how well I looked, even better than before the surgery. Please pray that I keep my positive attitude and peace as I continue on this journey. The news from Dr. Christian was a little surprising.

Please pray for me as I try to attend a few hours of a conference in Quincy this Friday where I might present a little bit. I will be able to go, as the drain is out; it's a question of whether I am feeling up to it.

Please pray that I will not be overwhelmed. I am feeling the responsibility of work at the hospital, and at Verami (it really picked up this week, which is good). On top of this, I need to be responsible for managing my health, other things that need to be done around home, relaxing (sleeping, reading, visits, calls, listening to music), eating (lots of protein, fruit, vegetables) and drinking lots of fluids (when my sister left to come to Boston my niece reminded her to make sure Aunt Ruth is drinking enough).

Thank God for the little surprise packages of joy that He sends my way each day.

Ruth